Friday, August 24, 2007
Feeling like I am not cut out for this....
So as Oren is rapidly growing, physically and mentally, he shifts through new phases. It always takes me a while to catch on to what his needs are (even though he is definitely trying to let me know) through screaming usually. Through out the year I made sure to change up his environment, activities, rearrange toys/books/food etc... now he is becoming mobile (sort of) and I am not sure what he needs and how to provide it for him. I think he is frustrated with scootching but has not figured out pulling up, cruising or walking but clearly wants to get moving. (Side note: why can't I make paragraphs in this thing?!?) I keep having this thought "well, at least soon he will be in day care and they can give him what he needs since I can't deal with it or haven't figured out how." I hate it! I hate that thought. I want to give him everything he needs, I don't want to have the feeling of relief as it is someone elses problem now. I don't want to feel like a part time parent or like I am giving up on him. That is how I am feeling. This sucks right now.
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3 comments:
I'm sorry you feel that way, but who said a mom needed to meet all of her child(ren)'s needs? From baby nurses to husbands to grandparents and on and on, a child needs so much more than a mother (any mother, no matter how excellent) can provide.
I completely know the feeling of "relief" you are talking about. The idea that maybe someone else can deal with him... (either 1)better, or 2) instead of me, so I can stop worrying about meeting his needs a little.
It's SO EASY to fall into the trap of believing that we must be SUPERMOMMIES...and hence would be capable of doing everything perfectly. I have made so MANY mistakes with Owen, and got the feeling of "ugh" so often, that sometimes, daycare is a WONDERFUL idea. I could PAY someone to deal with his tantrums, food smearing, sleep problems, and heck, a diaper or two. And then there's the MOMENT AFTER that thought. The moment where I love him completely and wouldn't want anyone else to take care of him...ever. I'm calling it bi-polar-mommy-ism.
I think it just comes with the territory. And by the way...you are a great mom...fear not. Oren doesn't need anything but a watchful, caring mommy to help him through his mobility! Just give him a big hug when he falls over. :)
P.S.
I
think
you
can make paragraphs by hitting return/enter a few times.
Maybe.
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