Just for the record....I came home after talking with Carly about how positive I'm feeling about daycare and how it's the right choice for us....and promptly began to feel horrible about leaving Owen and not having him with ME.
I ended the night with myself crying silently as he fell asleep nursing. We had, yet again, a single-mommy night (Ryan working late), a miserable time trying to eat dinner, (he has been refusing vegetables and slimes everything all over his hair and face and in his ears), he was horrible in the bathtub (he keeps trying to stand up, slips, gets mad, and starts all over again), and then he cried the entire time changing him into pajamas and getting ready for bed.
My brain KNOWS that this is the hardest time of day for him because he's tired...but it's not really FAIR that it's the time I get to spend with him.
Right now I'm feeling very sad that I didn't have much energy when I came home today....that I didn't have much patience either...and that very soon,
all day...
I will spend more time with other people's kids than I do with my own.
That last realization is enough to make me throw up.
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2 comments:
You are hardly a fraud my friend!!!!!! I know I am not alone in the struggle (and neither are you), and I don't expect you to be a model-day-care-advocate. You are doing what you need and want to be doing and we will embrace, battle our feelings together. Like many things we do in life, we will have good days and bad days. Today was a good day and this evening (certainly sounds like how Oren behaves in the evening) was a crummy evening.
I have no doubt that you will figure things out, what works best for you, Owen and Ryan. And most importantly know that your friends (mom-friends) and especially me are here for the journey! I told you, the boys will be at each others weddings and we are soooo going to embarrass them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are an awesome friend and I really appreciate you coming over and talking this afternoon. I am even more appreciative that you feel crummy this evening and told me. I think honesty among us moms is the only way we are going to survive motherhood. I think that you can be confident and feel unsure and that all be fair!!!! :)
I know that I'm responding a few days later but I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry that you had such a hard day. I can totally relate to the bathtub part. (That is a new battle that I'm trying to figure out). It sounds like Owen is probably ready to move on from baby food too. (That was another frustrating time because Julia did some of the same things when I tried to feed her).
I don't think that I can say any more than Carly already did but just hang in there. As I can see from your more recent posts, things have been getting better. I'm glad to hear it!
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