What I have noticed lately, is that I REALLY appreciate the flexible thinker. This becomes especially true with anything related to motherhood.
The phrase "school of thought" is particularly irking me today. I was "categorized" recently as belonging to one particular "school of thought" with regards to sleeping and getting kids to nap.
ANYONE who has talked with me over the last few months knows the trouble that I have had getting Owen to sleep. I've tried everything. I've even done the things I don't like doing. Just IN CASE it works for him.
So, when a person, who knows nothing of this struggle, categorized me and announced that I belong to a particular philosophy, and that she belongs to another, I was completely overwhelmed.
I was struck down with amazing emotions:
1)fear..that I was doing it wrong;
2)guilt...that I was still doing it;
3)confusion...over what might be "better;"
4)incompetence... feeling as though I'm not a good mother;
and then...as I began to think about it further:
5)anger...that I was judged and typecast by another mother.
I think the phrase "school of thought" implies that one is close-minded. In this case, I have explored options in all "schools." Just because I settled on one method does not mean that it will work with the next kid, nor do I cast aside other methods.
Perhaps the worst thing we can do to another mother is imply that there are sides to line up on, with apposing schools, as if this amazing art of motherhood was a battle to be won.
There is such a thing as moderation. Just as there is also a middle ground.
And what I would like to have said, in retrospect, is that "I've tried a lot of things, and I'm doing what has worked for him." It's a little bit of this...and a lot of that. Like any good chef knows, there is no exact recipe, and many times it needs to be tweaked a little.
It's amazing how a one-second-comment can throw your brain into a tailspin, isn't it?
I am comforted by Lydia's thought: "...by any means necessary." This might just be the way to survive being a mom.
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4 comments:
Just for the record.....I don't think you could ever, ever be confined to one type of train of thought. You have always been open minded and looked at everything from different perspectives in all areas of your life, including motherhood. You are a wonderful mother bcs you look for all different ways to help Owen sleep. You have been unbelieveably flexible and patient, so give yourself the credit you deserve. You have to do what works.....you will not ruin him....
No judgements, you just have to do what's right for you. Like I said before, the things that work for Tate are the things that every book will tell you not to do. OH well. Just please, please recognize what a wonderful, natural mother that you are. You are doing a great job!
love you, meg.
I recently read about a man who didn't want to deal with his stepson at a restaurant, so he duct-taped the boy into his car seat while the adults finished eating. So maybe not by ANY means necessary. :) We can call ours the Almost Anything But Duct Tape School of Thought.
Wouldn't it be great if we could all just support each other in the "whatever works" philosophy? Trust your instincts, Amy. You are doing what's right for Owen. :)
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