My Mother of the Year Award Entry

My son is almost 3 now, but our first 1 1/2 of his life were tough! What is my definition of tough? I think I had the thought "I could just kill you" at least once a night EVERY night during that time while he was crying yet another time. (How could this not win the award.) This while all my friends had babies that went to sleep by themselves and slept the whole night since they were 3 months old. What was I doing wrong? What was wrong with my child? I felt alot of guilt, I blamed myself alot.

Somehow time passed. Nathan is still what I woud consider a poor sleeper. Unless reminded that he will only get a sticker in the morning if he does not wake up mommy in the middle of the night, he'll wake me up at some point - to ask me where Nemo is or where his water bottle is. He'll attempt to go back to sleep, and as I finally doze off 20 minutes later, he'll call me again. This time I sternly tell him he may not call me again until "the sun wakes up", or else.... (Nemo comes to sleep with me). I remind myself that tomorrow before he goes to sleep I MUST remember to promise him a sticker if he doesn't call me until the sun wakes up. On a good night, he does not call me, but sleeps generally at MOST 10 hours. So what's my point? I finally stopped blaming myself. I *try* (but certainly don't succeed as much as I'd like) to detach myself from how well or poorly he slept, in order not to get upset often.

Kids can't be perfect. They all have imprefections. My son's strong imperfection is his sleep. Sucks for us. But that's life, right?

All kidding aside, I share my "I could just kill you" story because I believe more of you have had that thought at some point than would like to admit. I just want you to know that you are not alone. I think alot of times just knowing that you are not alone, particularly in hardship, can be a big help. May you never get to this point. But if you do, know that we at the "Mother of the Year Award" understand and want to help!